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Ello there people. =)

Tis' journey is almost over.
People are asking more than ever if I am excited about the pregnancy.
I simply reply 'Uh, Not Really.'

It's not that I am not happy about yet another gift from God or ready to be a mom (Sheesh, I have Gavin already so I got this in the bag) it's just I feel my pregnancy was not a happy one, its running neck and neck with my pregnancy two years ago. (So far, this one is in the lead. Not a good look.) I can honestly say that my suroundings and choosing to keep certain company brought my unhappiness. It was always a constant up and down situation. To escape in the past, the problems and people I'd move constantly or react like a mad woman. Reflecting on the course of these last nine months I would have to say my actions have been completely out of character. For awhile now, (like years) I was doing pretty well of not acting upon others ignorance or behaviors but I have found myself lately on top of everything. You ever get that feeling like "If you don't react, it shows weakness but if you do, it'll show your just as ignorant as they are?" I found myself in those type of "if" situations a lot this year. Listening to the "if i were you's" or the unthought out advice of others, and not thinking for myself and how it will affect my future put me in some unsteady situations. It's been about a month or so since I have been living in my new home with my unborn's father. (No, I don't like the term baby-daddy or baby-mama cause it's really ghetto and ignorant.) A month. 30 days. No we aren't together and wont be together, ever. Whatever. We live together because we want a family environment for the kids. Gavin is attached to him and even looked at him as a father in his life. Not only for the kids but when we aren't arguing we get along great. We both enjoy each other's company and running things together, but still not together. Ever again. In this short amount of time, he has threaned to leave once and actually left for about a week the last time. Why? Actions. We have put each other through hell since I had my miscarriage and ended up being pregnant again. We keep dealing with each other but neither can forgive or forget. We are looked upon as stupid for dealing with each other yet embarased of our past actions caused us to be. We used to be friends, best of friends for four years before our relationship and that's where it went down hill. I been twiddling my thumbs for the longest about "if's" what if I never got pregnant again, would I still have my bestfriend better yet my boyfriend back? Or "if" we left each other alone would I still have the people I used to call friends in my life? Even if, I kept, not even I, WE kept our business out the noses of others would so many problems erupt? These are the questions I never will have the answers to. So to prevent future problems I need to go back to thinking before I respond or retaliate against people and even if I am judged or looked upon as weak, I am 22 year-old mom with now her own everything and two kids that need me. Not a relationship, enemies, negativity, or drama should be my focus. The actions I make until I take my last breath will be the correct ones. I don't ever want this to control my happiness or take me out of my element again. Life is like a movie besides the fact there aren't any cuts or do-overs. So make your next move your best move because I know I will, without a doubt.

Outie♥
Breezi F.

Allow me to Reintroduce myself..

I always feel the need to re-invent myself after a certain time frame or after a life changing event and I think it is about that time again. I have been feeling really drained lately but most cannot tell because I tend to hide it very well behind a smile. I tend to catch myself falling into old bad habits or repeating the obvious bad mistakes. I found myself today regretting at least One-Hundred and Ten things today but I know things happen for a reason. I can't hate myself for the things that has happen to me or the things I have done in the past. All I can do is eliminate the things I feel are detrimental and work on self happiness, which I have been lacking lately because I let little things get the best of me. So besides just saying a prayer, not worrying and having faith, it is time to make Jessica (<--That's me, Breezi F.) happy. Down to the way I style my hair to the people I consider friends, even the career path I take, it's all changing. I am pretty sure somebody will have negative things to say or something might get in the way of trying to better myself but those are the tests to see if I am strong enough to evolve. For those who don't like it, 'Can roll with it or get ran over' as my cousin Ebony likes to say. I guess after being a mom and growing up fast, there are somethings you just have to do, inside and out to have a stable environment and that's what I am working on now. I pat myself on the back because I feel good about evolving into a butterfly from a caterpillar. I'll keep you on my progress and while you are at it change a little for the best, for YOUR happiness and not at someone else's expense. Now that I am on this Zen path, I know the drama, the negativity and my haters aren't going to stop because I have, it's all about how it should be handled as a grown woman handling her business...ya dig. Loves it.

Outie♥
Breezi F.

Inquiring minds would like to know.......

Just wondering, but if you forgive someone and don't forget, are you really forgiving? And if you can't forget, then can you really trust them? And when you are the bigger person in any situation why does the opposite party still be on bullshit?

I'm just saying though, you know graduated c/o 2005 and two kids, working, you know paying my bills....step it people. And no, this isn't directed to one specific individual as many would think, I'm just saying. =)

Outie♥
Breezi F.

Stunned....

So I am currently STILL at work and I learned that not only did the ORIGINAL baddest chick, Farrah Fawcett passed but the King of Pop, Michael Jackson passed as well. I am in total shock and disbelief! Michael was supposes to be on a sold-out tour next month in London and Farrah was to marry her fiance soon! OMG and SMH, like life is extremely valuable and short and it is very under appreciated. My heart goes out to the Fawcett & Jackson families. I am like still in awe and they saying goes death always comes in threes....and this is only two. Wow, man. I know the music and film industries are in total shock and mourning as well as the fans of these two incredible people. Ms. Fawcett will forever be the original Charlie's Angels and a legend among her time. Michael Jackson, nobody will ever touch him as an entertainer regardless of what the media has made him out to be. Life is short. Appreciate it. Thank God for the ones around you and for waking you up each morning because tomorrow is never promised. Forgive open heartdly and just count you're blessings y'all.

You will truly be missed

Rest in Peace Farrah Fawcett and Michael Jackson.

Outie♥
Breezi F

Frenemies

Since I've been M.I.A from the blog I have had a lot of things going on. I don't know if its because the increase of hormones and estrogens that have had me on edge or is it that I've reached my boiling point with certain people. I think it is a little of both. So the latest to blow up in my world is the end of my 7 year friendship with the used to be best friend of mine, Kristen. For a couple months, hell maybe even longer than that our friendship has been iffy and has deteriotated greatly. Since she has betrayed me and always talked about my back from jump street my trust with her has been, since then leary. I mean who wouldn't be that way. When I try to confide in her when I needed her the most she wouldnt say much but "Oh." "I'm if here if you need me." "Damn." What kind of shit is that? So today I found out that ex (which is still my best friend and my childs father) was over her place so his friend can see Brandy. Acey told me he did of course, and yet I told him I didnt like that idea because Kristen used to be infatuataed with him and I know how she is/was. So not to be shisty I came to Kristen and told her the same thing and yet it spilled into something way deeper and the conversation went a little like this:

.........................................

Conversation between "J3SSRabbit" and "xxteezixx"To return to your conversation, close this window.


[Tue Apr 7 2009 08:44:31 PM] J3SSRabbit: As to what I was sayin before i had 2 bounce....1st and foremeost about the whole Acey problem , before you run back and tell whatever i say to you befroe i came to you i went to him first my problem isnt Acey its you. Secondly whatever i did and do with acey regardless of HIS PAST, as in PAST TENSE doesnt concern you so if i was number 50-leven thats my issue not YOURS. Secondly since you gotta big issue wit me bing at your HOUSE dont worry bout me ever showin my face

xxteezixx: real talk u shouldnt have a problem wit me cuz i aint do shit to u!!!!
xxteezixx: asked me a question and i told u to ask him cuz i was gonna keep it 100 wit u regaurdless what he said
xxteezixx: i jus wanted to kno he he was gonna be honest wit u from jump[Tue Apr 7 2009 08:46:49 PM] J3SSRabbit: u should been 100 off the bat not pausing thats npt REAL
xxteezixx: and as ur friend u shouldnt think i would do anything wit acey ever again since yall been in a relationship thats not me

J3SSRabbit: pssh im jus sayin i dont put nothin past nobody

xxteezixx: right but he cheats on u and u give him 2nd chance
xxteezixx: rrrriiiiigggghhhhhttttt
xxteezixx: i may be a bitch but as my friend i would never do u dirty like that

J3SSRabbit: and thats agian once AGAIN MESSICA AND ACEY i aint gotta anser 2 you about cheatin we past that. LIKE is aid i dont put nothin past nobody

xxteezixx: and i still dont kno what the fuck i did to u for u to have a problem or feel some type of way of him being over here its not like i was the only one here so taht jus shows me that ur insecure about something when it comes to him if i told u b4 that i dont want him what it was is what it was and thats it then u should be able to deal wit that and believe me...like i keep tellin everybody i dont have a PROBLEM wit anybody being over here it jus would have been nice if u said something
[Tue Apr 7 2009 08:55:20 PM] xxteezixx:
but it is what it is and no need to go any further

J3SSRabbit: I ALWAYS SPEAK WHEN I CAME OVER<> INSECURE, CUZ OF YOU! NO ITS A TRUST ISSUE WITH YOU IVE ALWAYS BEEN LIKE THAT WITH YOU

xxteezixx: wtf u should have been chucked the deuces wen it came to me then
xxteezix: dont have me thinkin ur a close friend if u feel that way!!
xxteezixx: real talk talkin about somebody keepin it funky wit u lol righ
xxteezixx: goodbye jessica it was fun while it lasted i wish u the best in life wit u and ur kids!
xxteezixx: holla!! cuz there is no need to say shit else to me and im damn sure not gonna say shit else to u!!!

J3SSRabbit: psssh okay keep in mind im not the only one who said they wont tust u round their man either,
J3SSRabbit: i been kept it 100% wit ya ass wether you liked it or not
J3SSRabbit: and tahts fine

xxteezixx: and thats fine glad ppl kno how to talk behind others back and not keep it real supposed to be year of change when aint nobody changin shit and 100 wit me ha not if u been feelin that way but still havin me think everything is all good..i bet u enjoied me and acey not being friends but holla!!!

J3SSRabbit: whatever, just as much as he did!

xxteezixx: Messages will be delivered when the buddy goes online.

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Intense right thenshe had the nerve to sign off, childish. Whatever I'm done. I realize you just grow out of people sometimes and you win some and then you lose some and I just lost one and I am a ok.

The good ole' days...

Outie♥

Breezi F.

Hey Mssss. Clayyyytttooonn, Tell me where you been?

Okay I know I said like two months ago I was back like cooked crack and I fooled myself. Lately yours truly, breezi F hasnt been feeling to well or herself lately! I know your like, "WHAAAATT?" Yeah, I know. I found out what the hell was wrong with me people. The Good Lord decided that I needed to be pregnant again. Lol. As of today 13weeks! Yay, Little Gavin will be a BIG BRUH! I know he'll be geeked. I had mixed emotions at first about being a mommy now but after two ER visits and some self love (lol) I'm stoked. I know school is gonna be on hold next semester but I'll surivive. As long as I have the love and support of my Best friend/baby daddy/right-hand man I will be a-ok! Oh also, at my job I gotta lil promotion as assistant manager! After 2 months! WHAT WHAT! BAAAALLLLiiiiiNNN! Lol Loves it. Anywho, I have been on bed rest for almost a week which sucks but I'll be off soon. Uhhhh, I missed all my faithful followers and still I hope you guys still read and didn't forget about little ole me. I will continue to keep you entertained cause "ARE YOU NOT ENTERTAINED????" lol Anywho, Im goin back to lay down on the couch I just wanted to let you know that I didn't forget I was a blogger, I just missed you much to tell you all I heart you! lol

Outie♥
Breezi F.

Free.99

Don't we all jus love free things? Shoot, I know I do. Today I got a free car wash! I know that's not like extravagant or whatever but it saved me like a good $5.00! Now I came to the car wash with all intentions to pay for my wash, hell, I didn't even want to get out my truck because I was going to use the Auto-matic jaint but the line was dumb long so I was like 'pssh! forget that!' and got in the manual wash. Now the whole little machine and brushes look like Arabic to me! I was like WTF am I to do!. I'm out here in pink yoga pants and hoodie and matchin' dunks and the last thing I wanna do is get wet or do any manual labor. LOL. Lucky for me and my great assets, this guy who was drying his car came over and was like "Hey Lil Mama you know what you doin?" First and foremost I hate it when a guy approaches me with the "Hey Mama or Shawty"--thats wack as hell. I laughed and was like yea, Im washin my tires. He bust out laughing at me cause I had the high rinse water goin instead of the tire spray. I looked at him and I was like "Nuh Uh, Rudeness! I got this!" Clearly I hadn't the slightest idea wtf I was doing. So he came over put some money in the machine and took the nozzle washed my truck!!! HELLS YES. SO you know what I did, sit back and chilled like a mutha! LIGHTBULB: No cute gut comes to wash your car without expecting anything in return. "So why yo're man aint out here washing your truck?" he asked. I causually laughed cause techincally no I don't have a boyfriend BUT i have an extremely important friend!!! LOL Avoided that question! He was persisitent and asking me to take me out for drinks and "kick it". I told him I was a recovering alcoholic and said, "thanks bye!" Naw I'm lying but I took his number instead of giving mine and let him know I do have somebody but I appreciate him washing my car. He rocks.

My Saturn Vue! I love it!

Who dat is? O, It's me, Jae Breeze! LOL

Pose for the camera!

What an Effin Day!!...

And the funny thing it isn't over...okat so this morning I woke up and my random ass thought today was about the security tags on the mattresses! Like for real, it says "Do Not remove under Penalty of Law" so will they really put my ass in somebody's jail over a got dam tag? Like really will you put me in Jail with a bunch of crimnals? I think I might try it and then call 911!! So if anybody gets a collect call, answer that mua fuckr. 'Preciate it.

Anyways, so today I had lunch wit my father for the first time of meeting in the 21 years of my life!! I used to think me and mom dukes looked a like but me and my dad look alike for real....it was jus overwhelmed...and it isn't my dad fault as to why we just now meetin, blame ma dukes...but that's a whole 'nother blog. Lol

Then now, im sitting here at my exes house watching him play Halo on his Xbox...I miss him and I wanna tell him but I aint cause we homies now and homies don't cake, that's gay...but its crazy we been besties for 3yrs and we shouldn't of dated...and we did and now our friendship isn't as cool as it used 2 be! Oh wells...things happen for a reason, guess I'm just a sucka for love...

O and im pos 2 be getin tatted up again 2day...more to come...

Later bitches.